First Things First

I’m not sure if what I’ve poured all of my hard work and effort into will actually lead me to the path I want to walk in life.

A place to write out my 3am thoughts, deepest desires, and wishful thinking

On the internet of all places

Where things you think you own and have control over

Are there for all the world to see

Featured post


“Even though you had to leave, would you stay?”


Half a year

and still I’m here

a modern-day Gatsby

not even bothering to look out to see if the green light is there

just desperate for the greener grass on the other side

without ever looking into my own garden



back the basics


really, really nice brown



I couldn’t look through them too long

every time I glanced through them

I looked away after a little while

thinking that the other side looking through would find out

would know too much


The view on the other side was a familiar one

one that I had looked at so many times over the year

we made it to a year

it’s a miracle


I could finish the second half of your sentences

and retell all of your stories

all the little details in between

the little things

that I still remember

a silent comfort knowing that the book I had read over time

and reread so many times over

that there were no surprises

I knew all the references

to the days that passed


and now

we share stories of things we didn’t share

in person and over conversation

of how we’ve been and what has happened since

things not shared until now

things we experienced


at our own pace

at our own time

overlapping in another universe

parallel lines

the same stories

the same jokes

the same experiences

3 years apart




A different filter

a slightly different way to view things

not something you can control or change

but something you wished you could

something you really, really wished you could


Blue, green, brown, dark brown, black, grey

more dark browns and blacks than blue and green and grey

something you knew that created all the murky in-betweens

and the indecision and the unknown

something you knew that stood between you and understanding and clarity


I’ve had a dark brown filter all my life

and you’ve had a black filter

But for just a moment

I thought

in the light

you were brown

a shade of brown comparable to that of warm autumn mornings and freshly baked cones at Salt & Straw


But the skies grew dark

and you were just black


and everything became black

just like last year






A Recap


“It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.” — Dr. Robert Hutchings Goddard


Why erase yourself from the narrative when you can just write a new one?

Oct 2018

how good of a lab partner you are = how good of a friend/significant other/person you are

someone who will catch your mistakes and stay by your side when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to

someone who will provide an extra opinion and fill in the empty gaps of your knowledge

someone who will do things for you without your having to ask them to

someone who will give you a word of encouragement

someone who rants to you about their day and has the patience to listen to your stories

someone you can share a laugh with even in the most serious of times

someone who will stay up with you to work through issues

someone who encourages you to do your best and helps you believe that you can do better (HA do better)

someone who will reach out to make sure that you are okay

no matter what lab

whatever objectives

the colorless and colorful and sweet-swelling and foul chemicals

the clinking of glassware

that life throws at you

someone who is there for you until the very end


Ya girl is happy

and thriving

11/17/18 (1:30am)

It is so nice

to wake up and not feel disappointed


Took two semesters of physics in college and a year of physics in high school

just to realize that

Newton’s third law

doesn’t apply to people

Origin (7/17/17)

It started off with a trashcan.

It sat in the corner beneath the staircase, usually tucked away from sight and emptied on a weekly basis.

But today, was unlike any other day.

It was the last day of school and school was far from the first thing that came to mind as students eagerly shuffled from room to room, biding farewell to classmates and teachers.

By the end of the day, the trashcan struggled to hold its load. Over hundreds of students shrugged off their exorbitant load of binders, notebooks, and papers and emptied them into the trashcans around campus, shrugging them off as in a whole school year’s worth of time and energy and knowledge were meant to be discarded into gray metal receptacles.

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