Maybe

I don’t know what I’m waiting for.

A sign.

An indication of change.

Something that will tell me that things will be okay.

Will this sign ever come?

I truly hope so…

…as I have hoped and dreamed about so many things yet nothing seems to materialize out of my hard work.

was it even worth it?

all of the pain

the tears

the sweat

the sleepless nights

sure, you look up to my achievements and how I balanced everything I was involved with

but you didn’t see the fraying tightrope, swaying beneath my feet

you didn’t feel the dark, rushing current below

you didn’t feel hopeless, lost, or afraid

you have no idea

no

idea

It is the disappointment that hits the hardest.

It is a crushing boulder rolling down the mountain that you painstakingly trekked

a wall that you slam your entire body into after taking off from the starting line

a permanent weight on your sagging shoulders

that tells you

constantly

that the road is long,

the journey is tough,

and things might not work out

as you

hoped

and dreamed

that they would

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